Bliss
by AoifeRose
Summary: Post "Part 33" (20x14). What happens when those words turn into actions.


**Set during and after 20x14 "Part 33"– thank you to the writers for this episode, I loved it! As always none of them are mine, they all belong to Dick and NBC. I have taken a little bit of artistic licence with how things went down – I know Amanda wasn't in the room when Charlie went to get Olivia to testify it was Fin – it was just kind of necessary for where it was going. **

Amanda walked out of the court room, her heart beating rapidly. She stopped a moment to rest her head against one of the marble pillars in the hall and took a deep breath. She had done it hundreds of times, given evidence. Today felt different though. She wasn't there to protect she was there to destroy, and she didn't like that feeling.

It had been a long day; the longest one she had experienced in some time. She should go home, she should go and see her girls. There was only place she wanted to go however, one place she needed to be. Taking the steps down to the basement Amanda passed Charlie who smiled and gave her a nod. "Your Lieutenant is still down there" he said, whistling as he continued to walk up the stairs.

"Thanks Charlie."

When she reached the basement, she walked to the door and looked through the glass. She saw Olivia sitting with her head in her hands. Her heart clenched as she reached for the door handle and opened it.

"Liv" she spoke so quietly she wasn't sure she had actually said it out loud until her Lieutenant looked up at her.

Walking over she sat down on the worn leather couch and moved her oversized bag onto the coffee table. Turning so she could pull one leg under her Amanda faced the other woman.

"How did it go?"

"I told them what I knew, told them what she told me. Got the death stare that I deserved from Carisi"

Olivia shook her head and smiled as she thought of how far both of her detectives had come.

"You're not always going to agree on these things Rollins. We wouldn't be doing our jobs if we all thought the same and worked the same."

"I get it, I just wonder sometimes…"

"Wonder what?"  
"Wonder if what happened when I was a kid damaged me more than I thought." Amanda looked down and flicked a piece of imaginary fluff off her trousers. Suddenly Olivia was in her eyeline, the same way she had done with Olivia earlier when they were talking about Lewis.

"Amanda, it was bound to affect you; to damage you to use your word. However, it didn't define you. You escaped, you made a life for yourself. You became a cop, you moved through the ranks and now look at you. A Mom to two beautiful girls and the happiest I've seen you since you got to New York."

Amanda smiled as she thought about Jessy placing a kiss on Billie's head as she fell asleep in her arms the night before.

Amanda spoke the next words quietly; "I'm sorry for losing it earlier. And you're right, I know you're right; I have to stop blaming her eventually. I think now that I'm a Mom that is coming, slowly."

"Rollins, your temper is one of the things that makes you a great cop."

That comment took Amanda by surprise. It was something she was reprimanded for more often than not.

Olivia smiled when she saw the fleeting look of shock on the blonde's face. "If anyone ever asks me, I will deny ever saying that" Olivia smiled and reached for Amanda's hand, squeezing gently. "But it's true. And yes, it gets you into trouble sometimes, but more often than not you are doing what you are doing with the best of intentions. I also need to apologise. I should never have said you had no idea what terror is. It was wrong. I know you know. I hated myself when I said it. I wanted to take it back as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was just scared"

"I don't though Liv, Not in the same way." Amanda squeezed the hand that still held hers. It was grounding her in a way that she hadn't felt in quite some time. "They're not comparable situations. I walked into what happened to me, I didn't fight. You didn't walk into it, you were kidnapped. And you fought like hell to get out of it."

"You're right," Olivia said as she moved back onto the couch beside Amanda, "they're not comparable. We were both held captive though, both tortured. You by a person in authority, someone who abused his power to make others suffer. Me by a psychopath with a lust for blood."

Amanda felt Olivia's body move beside her as a shiver ran down her spine. She closed the space between them and pulled Olivia into her arms, as she placed a kiss on the side of her Lieutenant's head. They had become closer lately and Amanda was no longer afraid to invade her personal space and comfort her when she looked distressed. Right now, she realised she needed this as much as Olivia. When she felt the older woman's arms come around her and hold her she shed the tears she had been holding back and felt Olivia do the same against her neck.

Amanda spoke quietly as she felt Olivia relax into the embrace. "When I said I loved you earlier, I meant it. I also meant it when I said I respect you more than anyone I've ever met in my life. So, I need you to tell me if the move I'm about to make is wrong?"

"It's not" Olivia's breath was warm against her skin. Amanda felt a gentle kiss on her neck followed by one on her cheek and finally on her lips. She moaned as Olivia's fingers worked their way into her hair and her tongue skimmed her bottom lip seeking entrance. She found what she was looking for as Amanda opened her mouth, kissing her fiercely, running her hands down Olivia's back and gaining purchase on her hips as she pulled her closer. She smiled as Olivia moved to straddle her, her breathing shallow and erratic as she sought out her lips again. The need was all consuming, the kiss deep and hard, neither caring that it wasn't pretty to watch, just completely lost in the moment. So lost they didn't hear the door open. It wasn't until Charlie cleared his throat and called Olivia's name that they realised anyone else was there. They heard Charlie chuckle, and both had the decency to look embarrassed.

Olivia heard another moan from the body under hers, this one sheer frustration rather than lust as she extricated herself from their embrace and stood. Olivia placed one quick kiss on the breathless blonde's lips and moved away.

Olivia was trying to locate her jacket when Amanda spoke, "Text me when you're done. If the girls are down for the night, I'd really like some company."

Olivia nodded as she found her jacket and walked towards the door where Charlie stood.

"I will."

Amanda threw her head back against the couch and exhaled loudly as Charlie chuckled again. Olivia joined him at the door, and they walked upstairs together. When they reached the hallway outside the court Charlie turned to Olivia and put a hand on her shoulder. Remember what I said earlier – 34 years has gotta count for something right?"

Olivia smiled at the man's sage words and opened the door to the courtroom, more relaxed than she had been a half hour earlier.

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The text on her phone simply read

"_Outside"_

Amanda smiled and buzzed Olivia up, waiting at the door. She leaned against it, unable to hide the smile that had taken up residence on her face since the first text arrived

_Court finished. Are you free?_

The next text came ten seconds later as Amanda was composing her reply

"_I can still feel your lips on mine and it's killing me. I need to do it again." _

Well that made her decision for her. She would have gotten a sitter if the girls hadn't been down. She had moved Billie into Jessy's room, so they could have a few hours of privacy.

Olivia turned the corner and smiled when she saw Amanda standing waiting for her.

"That was a hell of a day." Amanda said just as Olivia reached her, holding her hand out. Olivia took it and Amanda intertwined their fingers, closing the door behind them. Olivia tried to continue walking into the apartment, but she was stopped by the hand holding hers, pulling her back. Amanda's eyes darted to her lips, then back to meet her gaze. She could see by the tense set of Olivia's body that she was still stressed. She planned to help her forget. Pulling her Lieutenant's body tight against hers, she claimed her lips in a searing kiss, lips melting together, tongues playing a game of hide and seek. It continued for moments but seemed like much longer, when they resurfaced for air.

Amanda ran her hands down Olivia's arms and watched as the taller woman leaned into her, resting her forehead against hers.

"I need you so much I'm actually scared Amanda." Olivia's voice was quiet, almost inaudible. But Amanda heard every word; heard the desperation, the need in every word.

"There is nothing to be scared of Liv. I want you too. I want you to keep talking, to tell me what you need."

"You, I need you."

Amanda laughed as she leaned in to claim still swollen lips. "You've got me Liv, believe me, you've got me." She smiled as she felt Olivia's hands move over her hips and down into the back pocket of her jeans, pulling her closer.

"Then let me have all of you. Please?"

That small plea at the end was all it took – no-one ever asked Amanda, they just took. That Olivia was asking meant more than any words could convey. So, she moved them towards her bedroom, intent on showing her.

Pieces of clothing were discarded as they moved, desire taking control of actions, as they moved. Amanda wasn't sure what she removed herself and what Olivia removed in the tangle of limbs; when she got to the bedroom however, all that remained was her underwear. Olivia was still wearing her court clothes, and Amanda wanted to divest her of them as quickly as possible, to remove the last remnants of the memories of the day. Olivia reached for the clasp on her bra, but Amanda stopped her. Taking her hand, she moved them to the bed and sat down. Olivia's hands went to her hair and started to play with strands of it, scratching her scalp, the sensation sending a direct electric current much lower. She almost lost her concentration… almost. When she reached for the fly on Olivia's slacks, she heard the small sharp inhale. She slipped the black material off Olivia's tips and as the fell away she placed a trail of kisses from Olivia's navel down to her core, placing a long kiss over her black silk underwear. She felt the fingers in her hair tighten and saw the muscles in Olivia's stomach quiver.

"Calm baby." Amanda spoke as she moved her fingers under the hem of Olivia's shirt. She smiled as Olivia's eagerness got the better of her and she pushed her shirt up and off. Amanda stood and switched their positions so that Olivia was now sitting and she was standing. She mirrored Olivia's previous movement and removed her shirt, leaving her in a purple bra and matching panties. "You got lucky. This is the first time in a month I managed to match my underwear."

Olivia chuckled as she moved up the bed; Amanda moved with her and hovered over her, holding her gaze as she began to explore Olivia's body.

"You are stunning Liv." Olivia sucked in a sharp breath as Amanda's hand began to stroke her gently over her underwear. She bit her lip as the detective's fingers teased closer and closer to her clit but never quite reached it.

"Take off your bra, I want to see those gorgeous breasts I didn't get a chance to touch earlier." Olivia flicked the front clasp on her bra and was taken by surprise when Amanda didn't give her time to remove it; rather she leaned down, sucked an already hard nipple into her mouth and teased her mercilessly, making the same pattern over her underwear as she did on her nipple.

"Rollins" The use of her second name and the growl that it came out as turned Amanda on in a way she hadn't felt in quite some time. She needed to please Olivia, needed to make her feel safe, feel whole.

"Tell me what you need Liv baby; talk to me like you promised."

Olivia nodded taking a deep breath so she could form the words.

"I need you to remove that last barrier and I need you to fuck me hard, harder than you think I can take, because I can take it, I need it."

Amanda watched Olivia's reaction as she moved back on her knees, resting on Olivia's lower legs, she began to slip the silk off. She moved them down enough so that she could kneel up and Olivia could kick them off the rest of the way.

Lowering herself back down she stayed still for a moment, simply staring; she hadn't lied earlier when she said she loved her. She didn't know if it was too early to say it in this context, but the urge to do it was almost overwhelming, maybe later. First though, she needed to touch the woman who wasn't backing down from her intense stare.

Amanda crawled back up so she was eye to eye with the brunette and swayed gently, allowing their hardened nipples to touch. She wasn't sure where the groan came from but it broke any resolve she had left to prolong this. She leaned down and spoke against Olivia's lips.

"I'm gona fuck you like you've never been fucked before. Spread your legs wider baby, let me feel you." She felt Olivia shift slightly beneath her so that she was now nestled between her legs.

The tip of her finger began a gentle exploration over now very hot skin, bypassing Olivia's clit, which gained her a quick look of pleading. "Soon baby, I promise."

Olivia bit her lip and nodded as Amanda's fingers explored her, stroking, rubbing, caressing increasingly wet outer and inner lips. When the first of Amanda's fingers swirled against her entrance and gently pushed inside her, Olivia moaned. She needed so much more, but this right now was the promise she needed that she would get it. Planting her feet firmly on the mattress she pushed her hips up, ecstatic as a second finger joined the first, making her feel alive. She heard her name but it took her a second to reason out where the sound was coming from. She heard it again and opened her eyes, holding Amanda's stare.

"Tell me what you need baby?"

"Finger… another finger please." Olivia's breathing was becoming laboured, a sure sign that the pleasure was building. That pleased Amanda no end.

"Keep looking at me Liv… keep talking" Amanda realised that she was getting slightly breathless herself. When she curled her three fingers together and pushed back into Olivia she worried the short hoarse cry would wake the kids. Thankfully there was no sound and she released the breath she was holding. Olivia was pushing against her frantically and Amanda could tell she was ready to come. It was confirmed with a muttered "close" from the head of the bed. Olivia's clit was straining hard, the small bud begging for the attention Amanda knew would send Olivia over the edge. She gave in finally, dipping her head and laving her tongue over the hard bundle of nerves, running short sharp circles around it. She felt Olivia's fingers in her hair again and she groaned as the other women held her against her, fucking her face and her fingers simultaneously. She felt a stillness moments later as Olivia's body went rigid, followed by her hips falling back against the mattress. Amanda didn't remove her fingers, didn't want to. She simply moved slightly to relieve the pressure on her arm and shoulder, resting her head on Olivia's stomach, feeling her breathing slow as she came back down to earth. Some minutes later she felt a hand stroking her hair.

"Can you come up here please?"

"You sure?"

"Not really" Olivia chuckled, moving Amanda's head on her stomach, "But I really want to see your beautiful face." Amanda began to place kisses up along Olivia's body, to try and remove the bluntness from the withdrawal of her fingers. Olivia felt it and appreciated how slow and tentative Amanda was in her movements. She reached her lips just as she slipped out fully and kissed her deeply, making the emptiness easier to cope with.

Amanda was so focused on the kiss, she didn't feel the movement of Olivia's hand until it was resting over her underwear. She pushed the purple panties off the blondes hips and deepened the kiss as she ran a finger through the copious wetness the underwear had been concealing.

Amanda shifted slightly so she was only straddling one of Olivia's thighs rather than her whole body, moving to rest on her knees instead of her elbows. She didn't want to crush the woman under her when she came, and she knew it was only a matter of seconds before that happened because she was so turned on and it had been too long since someone had touched her like she was being touched right now.

Olivia sensed the urgency in Amanda's movements, understood she wasn't going to last long. She entered her quickly with one finger and allowed Amanda set the pace, not wanting to hurt her and unsure if she was fully ready. She recognised she was more than ready when Amanda whispered "another" to no-one in particular her eyes closed, her body coiled tight like a spring. Olivia was gentle but quick in her movements as she pushed two fingers into the river of wetness between Amanda's thighs. The swift inhale, the strong grip on her fingers and the sudden jump of Amanda's clit under her thumb indicated that her orgasm was hitting, and hitting hard. The longer exhale was shaky and despite her best efforts Amanda still managed to land partly on the body under her as she lowered herself off her shaky knees and into Olivia's arms.

There was no sound for a little while except the ticking of a clock on the nightstand. Amanda lay with one leg resting over Olivia's stomach as she stroked her hair, pressing intermittent kisses to her head.

"Well that happened." Amanda said eventually.

"Are you…"

"If the next word out of your mouth is ok Liv, I hope you know you don't have to ask."

"I do, I just…"

"I know and I am. I am more than ok. I am fucking awesome"

She felt the laugh shake Olivia's body and she joined her.

"I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've heard you use that word."

"I have a very extensive vocabulary Lieutenant."

"I don't doubt it. I might just try and get some more weird and wonderful words out of you in the near future."

Amanda leaned up and gave Olivia a quick peck on the lips "Any time. I have to bring Billie back in. Her crib is in Jessy's room. She'll wake her up if I leave her in there though."

"I'll go." Olivia was halfway out from under her and up before Amanda couple protest. She kissed her again quickly before she pulled on Amanda's robe and left.

She wheeled the sky blue crib back into the room, a slumbering Billie letting out a contented little snore as Olivia placed the crib beside the wall.

Olivia climbed back into bed beside Amanda who was curled on her side watching Billie.

She spooned her from behind, resting her hand on her stomach and kissing her neck.

"You are an amazing woman Amanda Rollins. You truly are."

"Back at 'ya Olivia Benson"

She felt Amanda's breathing become shallower as the movement of her stomach under her hand slowed. She fell asleep not long after, a smile on her face.

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Amanda's 'new mom' body clock meant she automatically woke at 3 a.m. expecting to have to feed a very grumpy baby. When she looked to the crib it was empty. For a second her heart was in her mouth until the voice behind her spoke softly.

"I've got here Mand, she's right here."

Amanda turned in bed and saw a very contented Billie, a bottle in her mouth, hand resting on her cheek as she drank, a funny little habit that made everyone who watched her eat smile.

"Thanks Liv. Sorry I thought I'd hear her."

"I moved the moment I heard her stir, you didn't get a chance. I heard you mentioned you were pumping on the phone one day to Katie." Amanda wasn't embarrassed because besides it being totally natural, there was no privacy in the space they shared, it wasn't possible. "So I found everything I needed when we went for a little wander when she stirred about fifteen minutes ago, and here we are. Sorry you got a fright when you woke, I should have move but we kinda got comfy."

Amanda smiled as she sat up and kissed the small hand resting on Billie's pink cheek. "Yes I can see. That's what bliss looks like right there."

Olivia smiled as she leaned over and kissed Amanda.

"I hope I didn't overstep - I just didn't want to wake you."

"Overstep are you kidding? I just got four hours sleep - in a row I must make clear - I can't remember the last time that happened."

"Well, and again tell me if I'm overstepping, but I'd really like to make that happen again some time soon."

This time Amanda initiated the kiss, careful not to corrupt her daughter by taking it too far, but nonetheless conveying everything she needed to say about Olivia's suggestion in one kiss.

"So that's a yes?"

"That's a 'I love you Olivia Benson and any time you want to let me sleep for more than four hours you are so welcome to'"

Olivia moved Billie slightly so she could turn to look at Amanda.

"I love you too. I wanted to say it earlier but I was afraid I'd scare you and you'd just think it was the sex talking."

Amanda laughed and Billie gave a slight start in Olivia's arms. Amanda stroked her leg to calm her again. "Sorry baba, Mama was laughing at your Aunty Liv being a dope."

Olivia tried to look offended at the insult but failed miserably.

"So this is how it's going to be huh? Insults and night feeds?"

"You got a problem with that Benson?"  
"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Amanda rested her head on Olivia's shoulder, a peace overtaking her whole being as she watched the woman she loved feed her daughter. This was her definition of bliss and she wouldn't have it any other way either.

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End file.
